The Nanny & Her Scrooge Read online

  A dry sob caught in the back of Nicki’s throat and she dug the heels of her hands into her eye sockets. Hot, wet tears threatened. Swallowing hard, she fought back the urge to wail and scream and lament her plight.

  How could she have been so stupid to think Jared Gillette could possibly care? How could she believe that a few months in his home would offer her the family she longed for?

  Jared Gillette get her through Christmas? Preposterous.

  Jared had shattered the illusion she’d worked so hard to achieve in one fell swoop. The Christmas she had anticipated and looked forward to, crumbled under old memories and new complications.

  He’d had the gall to suggest they were friends. Physically, he’d touched her in an intimate fashion; emotionally he’d burrowed into her soul as a confidante. He’d shared his innermost secret—and then he’d dismissed her.

  One tear dribbled down Nicki’s cheek, and she fell to her knees to pick up one page of the book she’d slaved over.

  Jared. In a pair of khakis and a dark green sport shirt. Pushing a stroller. He was so handsome, incredibly handsome. If a single picture spoke a thousand words, then she could read volumes on how much he had lost.

  She sniffed, and a single teardrop fell on the plastic-covered page. Right where his heart should be.

  She wished she could heal him; she felt compelled to try. For, in a way, Jared’s wounds were as deep as Maddy’s.

  Yet her miracle, the one she’d promised Maddy, would heal only a child who felt unloved and unwanted. It would never heal a man with the kind of pride, the kind of misguided determinations Jared made.

  He’d made one thing abundantly clear: he’d never have a place for her in his heart. Given the choice, he would not allow it.

  The realization made Nicki crumple over the sheet of photos and carefully crafted illustrations. In her mind’s eye—or maybe her artist’s eye—it was as if someone had drawn spectacular little hearts all over her very best parchment. The initials JG and NH were intertwined. Together they had cultivated a masterpiece, and just as impulsively JG had wadded up every memory and trashed it, claiming it wasn’t important.

  Nicki had only one option; she knew that. It was time to take care of herself. Maybe Jared, in all his ill-conceived logic, was right. It was time for her to move on and out of their lives. With Maddy in the middle, they were becoming too dependent on one another—and every time he shot Nicki down it was like one more arrow to the heart.

  Nicki picked up two more pages, fanning them in her hand. She had done all she could for Jared and Maddy. It would be up to them to resolve the differences the years had imposed upon their relationship. It was time to protect herself; she couldn’t stick around and fall in love with Maddy.

  Like a litany, it kept thrumming through her head. She couldn’t stick around.

  She couldn’t stick around to see Maddy grow and change and become the lovely little girl that kept begging to shine through. She couldn’t see her start kindergarten or be in the swim class at the Y.

  She couldn’t stick around.

  A shudder racked her.

  She couldn’t stick around to see Jared ease up from his schedule at the store, or smile at her over early morning cinnamon rolls and a fresh pot of coffee. She couldn’t see him wax his vintage Mustang, or grouse about a few silver hairs at his temple.

  She couldn’t stick around. Certainly not within shouting distance of Jared Gillette—because she’d already made the horrific mistake of falling in love with him.

  At midnight Jared crept out of bed and went to the window. Overhead the sky was dark and the moon full. He felt a bit like the character in some oft-repeated Christmas story, creeping around in a nightcap looking for Santa Claus.

  Well, he’d found her…and she was sleeping right down the hall from him.

  She wasn’t in the kitchen nibbling cookies and washing them down with milk, she wasn’t pushing more presents under the tree. Right now, she was probably lying alone in her bed, reviling him.

  He deserved it, too. He’d treated her terribly. He couldn’t believe he’d walked out on her. But he’d had to, because if he hadn’t he’d been afraid he’d say something he would regret.

  Something tender, and kind, and loving.

  Dominque Noel Holliday had brought so much laughter and love into his house that sometimes it honestly hurt. He snorted, gazing through the leafless branches on the trees outside his window, and thinking how he’d gone back to his office this morning after the meeting and pulled out her file one last time, looking for more insight to the woman who tormented his sleep and taunted his waking hours.

  Dominque Noel Holliday. She’d been born on December 17th, a week before Christmas. Last week had been her birthday…and she had never even said anything. It was a date that had gone unrecognized. No birthday cake, no congratulations, no good wishes. He hadn’t known…and still, he felt like a heel.

  His fingers curled around the blue velvet box he’d laid on the dresser when he’d come home from work. He must be losing it. He’d gone to the fine jewelry department, and pulled out the thing that most reminded him of Nicki…and he’d just taken it. Just slipped it in his pocket and walked out the door. The crazy thing was, he’d never give it to her. He had no intentions of giving it to her. Especially not after he dismissed her tonight.

  His thumb stroked the blue velvet cover.

  No, he’d give her the sweater, and the bath salts and the hard-cover book. Nice gifts, solid gifts. Nothing sentimental, nothing suggestive. They were things she could carry away with her.

  Maybe he’d just keep the piece from fine jewelry, as a reminder of an exceptional woman who had once touched his heart. He’d put it in a drawer, and take it out occasionally. Maybe when Maddy was misbehaving, and he didn’t know what to do. Or when the walls started closing in and he had to remind himself he’d chosen this solitary existence.

  Guilt rose and ebbed in him like an endless swell of emotion. Nicki was the lifeline to his child, how could he possibly lose her? The past weeks in her company had made him wonder at her serenity, laugh at her sentimental insights—and doing so had fulfilled him: it had made him whole, it had given him purpose.

  With Nicki, he felt like a changed man. He no longer regretted a lost marriage and an absent child. Instead, he saw hope. For what could be, for all that could be. Bitterness drained from his soul and was replaced with the sweetest, most remarkable vintage of forgiveness. Burdens of the past fell from his shoulders, his mind cleared.

  Good ol’ St. Nick. She was responsible for all of it. With her ho, ho, ho and her penchant for a warm fire and a pan of fudge.

  A shadow passed overhead, and he quickly looked up, half expecting to see Santa and a sleigh and reindeer passing in front of the full moon.

  Nothing. Only this staggering, elusive sense of a Christmas spirit. It seemed to invade his being, urging him to trust, to extend his arms and let the world be his.

  He flipped open the blue velvet jewelry box and tilted it toward the light from the street lamp. Stones glittered, and silver and gold tossed inviting sparks his direction.

  His mouth went dry; he calculated the risks.

  Knowing the odds were not in his favor, he snapped the lid shut.

  It was out of the question. All of it. Years ago, he’d made himself a promise. It was one he intended to keep.

  Nicki literally heard the pitter-patter of little feet running down the hall to her room. Her eyes popped open and she reached over to the chair next to her bed for her robe. Too late. Her fingers were on it, when the door to her room was flung open. Nicki slumped back against the headboard.

  “It’s Christmas,” Maddy sang, scampering into her room and jumping onto the foot of her bed. “Daddy said we could open presents first!”

  Nicki chuckled, relieved to see Maddy’s joy of Christmas intact and thriving. She hooked a long strand of Maddy’s hair behind her ear. “He did? Before breakfast?”

  “Yup. He said br
eakfast could wait.”

  From behind the short corridor, she heard Jared’s distinctive rumble of laughter. “Can I come in?” he asked.

  Her heart wrenched, thinking of how she must look with her nightgown twisted and the sheets bunched around her waist. What did it matter? Jared had already steeled himself against her.

  “Come on in,” she invited, forcing a calm into her voice she didn’t feel. “I think this is the Christmas morning routine. Only I wasn’t prepared for it.” She tried to turn, to loosen the sheets, but Madison’s weight held them down, and Nicki only succeeded in pulling the neckline of her gown off her shoulder.

  Jared walked in, his gaze immediately going heavy-lidded and dark as he paused at the foot of her bed.

  She gasped and slapped at her nightgown, pinning it in place before it could fall lower, over the peak of her breast. Then she uttered the first stupid thing that came into her head. “I hear you’re not hungry.”

  He tore his gaze from the rumpled bedcovers, her half-clad form. “I think you know that’s not exactly true.”

  Innuendo hung heavily between them. The man-woman thing. The suggestive dance between people who wanted each other, but were so foolish, so hard-headed and arrogant they thought they could defy the laws of nature.

  Nicki flushed. She beat back her wayward thoughts and hauled up the shoulder of her silky nightgown, unaware she was pulling it taut and revealing far more of her curves than she intended.

  “C’mon, Nicki. I checked. There’s lots more presents under the tree than last night. Santa musta come. I didn’t think he was going to, but he did!”

  Nicki frowned and tried to focus on something other than Jared’s intimate presence in her bedroom. “I thought you didn’t care about presents,” she pretended to grouse. “Or Santa. I can’t believe you’re this happy about Christmas. I thought you didn’t want to be here.”

  “Well, I want to see if this year’s different,” Maddy said. “Maybe this year I’ll get what I really want.”

  In spite of Nicki’s discomfort, of being under Jared’s watchful eye, she grinned, and chucked Maddy under the chin. “Maybe,” she agreed. “Maybe this is the year.” She swiped at her hair, knowing she must be a sight. Her eyes were probably puffy from last night’s scourge. “Give me a couple of minutes to get dressed—”

  “Ohh-hh!” Maddy protested.

  Jared came around the side of the bed. “Here,” he said, lifting her robe off the chair, “wear this.” He didn’t offer it to her; he held it away. “Maddy? Go down and plug the coffeemaker in, will you? It’s all ready. Then we’ll be down.”

  “Ye-ess!” Maddy slipped off the bed in a heartbeat and hurried out the door.

  Once alone, the tension between Jared and Nicki escalated. The room was as charged, as electric, as a string of lights.

  “I’m a mess, I—”

  “You’re beautiful,” Jared interrupted.

  Nicki hesitated, then pushed back the sheets, conscious that her thin nightgown was up above her knees, and that Jared was privy to just a little too much thigh as she swung her legs over the edge of the bed. Jared’s gaze seared her flesh with one scandalous look.

  Everything inside Nicki seemed to pulse and throb and beg for fulfillment. She wanted his hands on her, she wanted to lose herself to his touch. She wanted to nurture everything that, in the closet of his past, still needed mending. She was his counterpart. Why couldn’t he recognize it?

  Jared stood rooted to the spot. He shook out her robe, then held it open for her. Gritting her teeth, and biting back the pain, she put her arms in the sleeves and tied the belt, while he solicitously smoothed the fabric over her shoulders.

  It was a deliciously provocative gesture. One he didn’t mean, she sternly reminded herself.

  “Call it selfish, but I wanted two minutes alone with you.”

  Nicki’s heart turned over. “Why?”

  “I wanted to thank you for all you’ve done for me. For us. I thought about it a lot last night. I didn’t mean to walk out on you.”

  She couldn’t bring herself to answer.

  “Nicki,” he said, leaning against her back, his voice husky as his words brushed over her ear, “I couldn’t tell you what I was feeling…I wanted to say I’m going to miss you when you’re gone.”

  Hope withered and died. The room went dark as Nicki imagined a world without Jared in it. “About that…” she said, plunging ahead, “I thought about it a lot last night, too, and I’ve decided to leave as soon as possible. Maybe within the next few days.” She was conscious of the way his hands stilled on her shoulders. “I can have my stuff shipped—there’s not much of it—and it would be easier for me to find a car in Florida. It’s the logical thing to do, really.”

  “So soon?”

  “It makes sense. Before Maddy’s any more attached to me. We want her attached to you,” she tried to joke, “not me.”

  Jared took a ragged breath. “I don’t understand this fascination with Florida,” he muttered. “I could find you a perfectly good job here.”

  “It’ll be better for both of us. We both know that.”

  “And what am I going to do about finding someone to replace you?” he growled. “Especially on such short notice?”

  Nicki did something she’d yearned to do for as long as she’d known Jared. She turned in his arms and, without any fear of reproach, she wound her arms around the back of his neck, pulling his head down to hers. “Because we’re friends I can tell you this,” she whispered. “There’s a lot of cute, perky little elves in Toyland—and they’ve all been laid off. You’ll find a baby-sitter there. I promise you.”

  “I don’t want some cute, perky little elf. I want someone like—”

  Nicki raised her eyes to his, daring him to say it. Like you, she prodded silently.

  Jared’s mouth slid off center, but he said nothing.

  Say it. Mean it.

  “Hey! Are you guys comin’ down or what!” Madison hollered from the first floor.

  Determination welled in Nicki. She had to save them both from a disastrous last day. “We’re coming, Maddy,” she replied, raising her voice. Then, turning back to Jared, she threaded her fingers through the fine hair at the back of his head, stopping at the crown. She pulled his head down for a spine-tingling kiss. For a moment the world, in all its tinseled glory, spun out of control.

  “Merry Christmas,” she whispered, smiling through the tears that threatened her composure. “Thank you for everything. You’ll find someone who’s perfect for you. I know you will.”

  Slipping out of Jared’s embrace, she stepped into her slippers and headed for the door.

  “Daddy! Nicki! Come on!”

  “Your daughter’s waiting,” she advised softly. “You don’t want to disappoint her.”

  It felt strange to turn her back on Jared Gillette. But he had long ago stopped being her employer and had become just another man—the man she loved. She’d love him for a lifetime, even though they only had one day to share. They needed to make the most of it, to relish it, and savor it. Everything would be as wonderful as she could make it, and then she would bow out as gracefully as she possibly could.

  At the bottom of the stairs, Maddy waited. “Nicki, guess what!” she whispered. “There’s a pink teddy bear under the tree. It’s not as big as the one at the zoo, but I love it!”

  Nicki squelched back a smile. “Really?” Then she looked over her shoulder, to Jared. “My. I thought there was only one Santa Claus at work last night.”

  He lifted a noncommittal shoulder.

  They walked into the family room together. Maddy was in between, tugging on both their hands. “You sit on the couch, Daddy, and Nicki can have the chair,” she orchestrated.

  Both adults took their assigned seats.

  The bulk of the presents were Madison’s, but she trotted back and forth distributing several wrapped packages and gift bags to both Nicki and Jared. When she was completely surrounded by her
gifts, Madison started to dig in, shredding the paper and pulling off bows.

  “Wait, wait, wait,” Nicki implored, stopping her. “Take some time, and enjoy it.”

  “I am enjoying it,” Madison assured, tossing the craft kit aside, and picking up another gift.

  Jared chuckled.

  “Madison,” Nicki repoved, “Santa Claus, and some other people, have gone to a lot of trouble to pick out something special for you. Take time to appreciate it.”

  Madison’s fingers literally twitched; it was obvious she so badly wanted to rip the paper from the next gift.

  “It’s hard to wait, isn’t it, Maddycakes?” Jared empathized.

  Madison sobered, and her limbs went slack. Sitting on her bottom, she swiveled, to gaze at her dad. “What did you say?” she asked slowly, her eyes narrowing as if she hadn’t heard him properly.

  “I said, it’s hard to wait, Maddycakes, isn’t it?”

  Madison’s fingers plucked at a piece of ribbon, and her mouth wobbled. “I remember that. You used to call me that when I was little.”

  “Right from the moment you came home from the hospital. You were always my little Maddycakes.”

  “You haven’t called me that for a long time, Daddy.”

  Jared visibly swallowed. “I…well, I suppose I’ve thought of you that way. Maybe I haven’t said it, not out loud. But I thought—”

  “It’s okay,” Madison said quickly. “I understand.” She frowned at the gifts around her, as if trying to decide what to open next.

  Sensing a lull in the action, Nicki chose to steer her charge in another, quieter direction. “Madison, open this one next. It’s really from your father. But I helped. He hasn’t seen it. So, in a way, I suppose it’s a gift for the two of you.” Nicki reluctantly turned over the gift, fearful the significance would be lost.

  Madison accepted the heavy package. “It’s a book. I know it’s a book.”